


A Role to Take

by AndixxYukie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heart Break, Reader Insert, aot - Freeform, snk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-10-19 03:27:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10631184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndixxYukie/pseuds/AndixxYukie
Summary: She don't really have any direction - there wasn't a role for her in the world. Thinking that she has nothing to lose, she joined the military - and the entered the Survey Corps, not realizing she is slowly taking over a role she was meant to take.





	1. Chapter 1

           Another wedding, hmm? I sighed as I walked home. Everyone my age is getting married – people I used to play with when we were little. It’s not like we’re beyond marrying age – we’re just in our twenties. In fact, I just turned twenty. Still young, but not quite. The tragedy of two years ago made everyone realize how we could just die anytime. Most decided it was now or never, and eloped with their sweethearts.

           What about me? It isn’t like love never presented itself. It’s just that I have a different priority. That is looking after my ill mother. People ask me if I’m happy like this, and I always answered yes. I do get lonely, sometimes. But I love how rewarding it is to feel useful, and to be able to help my mother.  

           Still, being my mother’s caretaker came to an end. And even though I’ve been expecting this to happen eventually, I was devastated. I have no one. And honestly, my life lost its direction. I don’t know what to do.

            

* * *

 

           I live in Ragako Village, in the southern part of Wall Rose. It’s a quaint little town and I love how peaceful it is, despite being close to the edge of the wall.

           “Ah, (Y/N), done with your chores?” Mrs. Springer asked me the moment I passed by her house.

           “Almost.” I answered, smiling to the sweet woman. “I heard a commotion at your house this morning, is everything alright?” At that, she wore an expression only a pissed off mother could pull off.

           Letting go a puff of air, she began “Connie is planning to enlist. That boy is worrying me to death.”

           “Oh? Surely, though he isn’t planning to join the Survey Corps?” The Survey Corps is the most dangerous branch of the military. Ever since the fall of Wall Maria two years ago, there was a spike in people enlisting.

           “Goodness, no. He wants to join the Military Police.” Hmm, the military police? That’s the branch that takes care of the inner district. That’s far from titans, so if Connie get in, he’ll be living a comfortable life. Though, I understand why his mother is worried – people can die even during training.

           We exchanged a few more words, before I promptly said goodbye. I entered my house … alone again.

           I hate to admit this but I don’t know what to do with myself. I need to take care of something – or someone. My talk with Mrs. Springer sparked a plan in my mind, and I’m shaking just thinking about it. Not of fear, but of excitement. I believe I haven’t felt this my whole life.

           The plan? Watch over Connie Springer, of course. And like him, I entered the military. I don’t have anything to lose, anyway.

* * *

 

           “Did my mother ask you to do this, (Y/N)?” Connie asked me, while we were on our way to camp.

           “Hmm, no. I literally have nothing else to do.” I told the him.

           “Oh. You wanna join the Military Police, too?” He asked me, flashing a toothy grin.

           “I haven’t decided yet. We’ll see.” I can’t tell him that I’ll join whichever he joins now, could I?

           “Okay.”

           We arrived at the training camp, and was given our uniforms and cabin assignments. That’s when I parted ways with Connie. I’m quite thankful that there are a number of young adults and adults with us – see, not only teenagers are trying to enter the military. Thanks to food shortages, enlisting was a sure way to keep food coming. Meaning, there would be a lot of breadwinners and even parents here. After changing into our issued uniforms, we got in line to meet our instructor, thus beginning our life as the 104th trainees.

* * *

 

           Two years passed in a blink of an eye. Turns out, I don’t really have to worry about Connie. The kid’s pretty witty, if I do say so myself. Other than that, all I can say is that I have a knack for this. I spent most my life doing mundane housework. I don’t even think I’ve run at all! But this – using the 3DM gear, fighting whether by hand or blades – is something that came quite naturally. Was it due to pent up frustration? I finally found a safe way to let it all out? Maybe.

           Graduation is almost here, and everyone is thinking seriously about which branch to join. I’m relieved that Connie is still aspiring to join the Military Police, but I’m worried. There’s this one kid who absolutely detests titans, Eren, and I think he’s slowly influencing a bunch of other kids to join the Survey Corps.

           “What about you, (Y/N)?” Mina asked me.

           “Huh?” We are currently at the top of the wall, cleaning.

           “Which branch are you joining?” She explained.

           “Oh. The Survey Corps, I guess.”

           “Woah. Really?” It was Eren this time. That’s the kid who hates titans. It’s understandable why, though. His mother was eaten by one right in front of him. No wonder he’s so messed up.

           “Why?” It was Connie who asked me. Why, indeed?

           I shrugged. Months into training, I decided that I’d join the SC whichever branch Connie joins. The other two are relatively safer than the SC, so there won’t be any need to worry. Besides, I feel like that’s where I’d be most useful.

           “What about the rest of you?” I asked them. The conversation took off, and it turns out that Eren did influence a bunch of them. Even Connie. That made me raise a brow, and Connie sheepishly shrugged it off. Ugh, this kid’s soft.

           We got quiet as we focused more on our task. I can’t help but hum a tune. Cleaning is as easy as breathing for me, after all. I’m sure I’ll ha –

            _Booom!_

           “What the –?” Thunder? “Titan!” A titan! A titan appeared right in front of us … It happened all so fast!

           “Gahhh!” A gust of wind threw us all off the wall.

           “Samuel!” I think it was Sasha, she jumped and did something. I didn’t see because my eyes were on the gate – or where the gate was supposed to be.

           “A breach! Titans are going to get in!” I yelled, in a panic. The hell of five years ago would happen again! We can’t let that happen!

           I jumped off, closing the gap between me and the gate. “Titans are already walking in?” Unbelievable. We didn’t even have time to breathe, they’re already invading! I looked up to my companions to try to regroup. Samuel’s passed out, with Sasha holding on to him. Mina and Thomas seems unharmed. Connie is frozen, eyes locked at the gap which was once the gate, and Eren was nowhere to be found.

           Booming sounds can still be heard from the top – is Eren fighting the colossal titan? Hnghh. I don’t have time to think about that. I turned back to the gap, and there are at least seven titans already in here. I can’t kill them all. We need back up!

           Adrenaline was rushing through my system – this is what we’ve been training for!

* * *

 

           It took us two days to fight titans, seal the gap and clean up everything. It was a blur full of tears, blood and death. Many among my batchmates perished – sons, daughters, parents … dead.

           This event opened my eyes in many ways. We aren’t safe – we were never safe. It seems that titans gave us the hundred years of peace. Now that it’s over, they’re slowly picking us off one wall at a time.

           Luckily, we managed to seal the gate. In a twist of fate, a titan saved us. Ironic, I know. A Titan protected us from other titans. That Eren boy transformed into a titan. I don’t know the full details yet, though. That’s another irony, right there. Eren was probably the one who hates titans the most, yet here he is. Able to become a titan, apparently at will. That kid must be feeling horrible about that.

           We are currently cremating what little we were able to recover of the dead. It was tough identifying most. It was a tragedy –  as bad as any could ever be. I think I should be worried. Well, worried about something personal, and it isn’t about my safety. I loved the battle. My flesh tingles at the sheer thought of slicing titans. I’ve never felt more alive!

           I think I finally found my life’s purpose – to rid this world of titans.

           You could say that I’m an oddball. Most people are in shock. Poor Connie – he’s inconsolable. Everyone is. We are all quietly watching the pyres when Jean spoke up.

           “Hey, guys …” Needless to say, he has all of our undivided attention.

           He turned to us, and he obviously isn’t taking this well. Which, I’d say is normal given the situation. Especially since a close friend of his passed away. “Have you decided which force you’re joining?” He asked, yet he didn’t let any of us answer before he shared a shocking news. “I’ve made up my mind …” he couldn’t stop shaking as he continued, “I … I … I’m joining the Survey Corps!”

           That’s shocking. Jean was very adamant in joining the MP, yet here he is, declaring that he’ll join the SC. After that, we sunk back into silence – not really. Cries of sadness are heard all around.

* * *

 

           It’s the day, the day that the Survey Corps’ commander is going to talk to us graduates. He’s the first one among the commanders who’ll try to recruit us. I guess he’s the first one, since the other commanders think that if they go first, there will be no one left for the SC.

           I was leaning against the wall, with others who are rather _attached_ to me in the loosest sense of the word. Also, Connie seems to be sticking closer to me ever since the battle at Trost. We were minding our own business when Jean walked up to us.

           “Jean, you’re really joining the Survey Corps?” I couldn’t help but ask. This sudden change of heart of his baffles me still.

           “Yeah.” He curtly answered.

           “Why the sudden decision?” Sasha asked. Hmm, turns out it wasn’t just me who was surprised. “Aren’t you scared?”

           “Huh? Of course I don’t want to join the Survey Corps.” He answered, nonchalantly. It seems he’s cried all of his tears last night.

           Connie spoke up then, “then why?”

           “It’s not that titans don’t scare me anymore either. And I won’t spout nonsense like, _the best belongs in the Survey Corps._ I’m not as eager to die as that suicidal bastard.”

           “You mean Eren? He’s already joined the Survey Corps.” I added. After what seemed to be a messy trial, the SC got temporary custody of Eren.

           We were then called to get in line. We all decided to follow the order, but not before Jean told us how this, joining the SC, was solely a decision of his.

           Before today, I have never seen the commander of the SC. I expected to see an old, bald man. Pretty much like Commander Pixis of the Garrison. Turns out I was way off the mark.

           “I am Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps.” The tall, blonde man said in that smooth voice of his. He’s a lot younger compared to Pixis, and our instructor Keith Shadis. And quite a handsome fellow. He began his speech, inviting us to join the SC. But he wasn’t sugar coating it. He told us the harsh, cold truth about what’s it like. This man is different.

           As he finished, he asked those who wants to join to stay in the field. Many people left – but that is to be expected. When people who wanted to leave were all gone, commander addressed us who stayed behind; “are you willing to die if you’re ordered to?”

           “I don’t want to die!” A brave soul answered.

           “I see. I like the looks on your faces.” Commander Erwin said, eyes travelling around, looking each of us in the eyes. And for a moment there, his eyes lingered a little too long on mine. I never knew a person’s eyes could be that strikingly blue.

           “I hereby welcome all of you to the Survey Corps! This is a true salute! Offer up your hearts!”

           “Yes, sir!” We yelled as we made our first ever salute as Survey Corps soldiers.

           “I’m scared!” Sasha muttered. “I want to go home.”

           “I don’t even care.” Connie whispered.

           These teens … they’re brave. Yes, they want to run, but they aren’t doing it. They chose to stay.

           “You’ve done well to endure your fear. You are brave soldiers. You have my heartfelt respect.” Commander Erwin seems to be thinking the same thing as I am. And as I turned back to look at him, I saw his eyes were back on me. Then he turned away.

           Nineteen. Out of hundreds on our first day, only nineteen of us stayed to join the Survey Corps.

           This is it. The direction I’ve been looking for. I can’t help but feel excited.


	2. 2

            I walked along the deserted corridor to the office of our commander. It’s barely our first day, and I’m already called, huh? It was a pretty long walk from the grounds up to the office, and I took my sweet time doing so. Despite doing just that, though, I was soon walking in front of his office.

            I tried to make myself a little more presentable – dusting off some imaginary dust – before knocking on the door.

            “(Y/N) (L/N), sir, of the 104th class!” I said, before a muffled voice from within beckoned me inside.

            The office was simple enough, and sparsely decorated. There was a neat stack of paper on the desk where commander Erwin sat. In front of which stood two chairs.

            “Come and sit, (Y/N).” Erwin told me. I did as I was told, looking at him expectantly. He smiled.

            “Good evening. How are you settling in?” He asked me, putting aside the pen that he was holding, before clasping his hands together. He looks so interested in whatever my answer may be. Though, why is he making small talk? Despite thinking that, I answered him.

            “Quite alright. The dorms here are much more spacious.” I said. Honestly, I don’t really know how to answer him. I guess that satisfied him, though, because he nodded at that. Up close, like this, I can see why people say that he is handsome.

            “I’m afraid you’d have to move again.”

            “I’m sorry?” What is this?

            “Reports from the battle of Trost indicated that you are rather a very capable titan slayer. I’d love to have you on my squad. See, every expedition, we travel by squads and teams. So, despite me being the commander, I still get to have my own team. And it would be an honor to have you on mine.” He said. Honor, huh? Still, I’m dumbfounded. A greenhorn like me shot up the ladder, just like that?

            “Me? Are you sure, sir? I still lack a lot of experience and sure do have much to learn.”

            “What better way to learn, though, than be surrounded by veterans? And don’t underestimate yourself, (Y/N). Even our soldiers saw you during the clean-up mission, and everyone commented on how good you were.”

            Wow. I can’t believe it. But I suppose, there’s no harm in accepting the offer. He is right, after all. Surrounded by the most experienced of soldiers, I’m sure I’d learn a lot.

            “Then I accept, sir.” I said, saluting my commander.”

            “Very good.” He smiled. And that was when my life changed drastically.

***

            Due to my new assignment, I obviously am spending more and more time with Commander Erwin.

            We were sitting in his office, a comfortable silence enveloping us. The Commander was finalizing the formation for the upcoming expedition, while I sort, stack and organize various documents. It has become routine for us, it seems, to sit and work in silence with only paper shuffling and the sounds of our breathing echoing around the room.

            The scratching of his pen on paper came to a stop, though. I looked over and saw him stretching his arms. Done for the day, I guess. I better stop looking and start working faster. To my surprise, my Commander walked over to where I’m at!

            “Need a hand?”

            “No, sir! I can handle this. You’ve been working all day. I’m sure you need to rest.” Great, I’m so pathetic that my Commander needs to help me.

            “Nonsense. Besides, these all piled up because I’ve been ignoring them. Also, I’d appreciate it if you’d call me Erwin.” He said, grabbing some envelopes and folders from the stack.

            “Erm, okay. If you say so, Erwin.” I feel awkward just calling him by his name. I mean, he is my Commander and he is a lot older than I am… yet at the same time, calling him so casually is making me all tingly inside.

            We continued working on, not noticing how late it was until we had to light more candles.

            “Whoa. I can’t believe it’s this late already.” I said, standing up to stretch my legs.

            “Seems like time flew by. I’m sorry for keeping you here this long.” Erwin said, as he stood towering over me.

            “That’s alright. I’m used to working all the time.”

            “Oh? What kind of work?” Erwin asked, genuinely curious.

            “Housework, mostly. I uhm… my mother was very ill…” I thought after two years I’d be ready to talk about her. Turns out I was wrong. Unable to finish, I just shrugged. Thank goodness Erwin is a smart man.

            “I see. That was admirable of you.” He said, patting me on the shoulder.

            “No… I just did what any child would.”

            ***

            It was like that, almost every day. We’d help each other on whatever task we have to accomplish. We’d talk, and slowly, I started opening up to him. Told him things I’ve never said out loud before.

            It was such a night when something peculiar happened – I totally said something I would never tell anyone else. We were having a fun chat yet… I couldn’t stop my big mouth.

            “And that’s why Hange is so obsessed with titans.” Erwin told me as he finished his story. And like I said, I couldn’t stop my big mouth.

            “At least she has direction. She knows what she wants to do. I envy her.” I said, almost unconsciously.

            “Hmm? Why is that, (Y/N)? Erwin asked me, his humorous tone from before was suddenly absent. We’re all business now, it seems.

            “Before, my life was all about taking care of my mother. Ever since I was young, it was take care of her, of the house, and do the chores. It was comforting. I knew where I stand – I was my mother’s caregiver. Years of routine was about that… then she was gone.” I said, hands trembling. I looked up to see Erwin’s intense blue eyes on mine. And I continued.

            “After she passed, I didn’t know what to do. I… basically I felt like no one needs me anymore. I don’t know any other way of how to live. Then, my neighbor decided to enlist. And, here I am.”

            “I see.” Erwin said. I don’t know what he saw, though. I’m a mess, filling the void left behind by my mother – by the only life I knew.

            “How do you feel about being in the Survey Corps?” He asked me, and it took me by surprise. About the army? Despite that, I tried to answer him.

            “I think I like it here. I sure do feel useful. I mean, I get to help people. I get to help you.” I told him, and I was honest – I think. Yes, that’s the truth.

            “Have you ever thought about what you want? A dream for yourself?” He asked me.

            “Huh?” When you ask children what they want to be when they grow up, they can answer right away. So, why can’t I, and grown woman, answer? “I haven’t really thought about that.” I replied, honestly.

            “As I expected.” Erwin said. “Think about it. Hmm, consider it your own personal mission.”

            “Okay.”

            That was odd. Simple yet difficult. We said our goodbyes and I made my way to my quarters. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

            It was a bloody massacre. Though, I personally didn’t see the gore. I’m in commander Erwin’s squad, front center of the formation. Pretty protected spot, really. We were just informed regarding the faith of the right plank – they’re wiped out. This worries me, the kids’ are there. We kept riding east

            “Send word to the rear, that only the central cart guard should enter the forest.” Erwin commanded. Two soldiers chorused, “yes, sir!” Before going off.

            By now, we’re in a forest of giant trees. An ideal environment for the 3dm gear, however, it’d be hard to see titans coming. We rode a bit more, going deeper into the forest before Erwin gave his next command.

            “This seems like a good spot. Hmm, yes.” We then tied our horses a bit off the clearing, and went back to it just as the carts arrived.

            “Set up the cannons!” Erwin commanded and we did as asked. These aren’t regular cannons, like those on top of the walls. These has arrows in them – well, arrow-like, at least. Honestly, I don’t understand what’s going on, but my job isn’t to think, it’s to follow Erwin’s command.

            Screams, and heavy thumps was echoing from where we entered. A shrill sound pierced through, this must be the signal Erwin told us.

            “Ready!” Erwin commanded, and everyone was on edge… any time now!

            “Fire!”

            “A female ti-titan?” This titan looks remarkably different than the titans I’ve seen so far. It’s mostly muscle, barely any skin. And it looks a lot like a woman. Wait… I’ve seen a similar titan before. The colossal titan!

            A zip flashed alarmingly close to me, and next thing I know Captain Levi is standing beside me and Erwin.

            “Looks like it’s stopped moving.” The former commented.

            “We can’t lower out guard. But you did well, leading it here.” Erwin said. I suddenly felt out of place. Still, I’ve got nowhere to go.

            “Men in the rearguard squads died, buying us the time we needed. We couldn’t have done it without them.” Captain Levi added.

            More people died today. My hands are starting to hurt, I guess I’m gripping my gear to tight. I’m worried, not only about Connie, but for the rest of my batchmates. They are people I know, after all. All so young. I was pulled away from my musing when I heard Captain Levi say something peculiar.

            “Thanks to them, we’ll be able to see who’s inside this thing. I hope they haven’t pissed themselves.”

            “Who’s inside? You mean, it’s like Eren?” I asked, completely out of turn. That’s probably why Captain Levi looked at me as if I sprouted horns. And it seems he only noticed me then. Ugh, and I was standing between him and Erwin.

            The two men looked at each other – and there’s something about it that made me very uncomfortable, as if it’s about me.

            Captain Levi broke away from Erwin and turned to look at me. “Of course. If it were any other titan, we wouldn’t have bothered with it.”

            “Ah, of course.” I said, feeling the frown forming on my forehead. There’s still something off.

            “Tsk, you look like you’re constipated. If you have something to say, say it.” Captain Levi said… and he’s obviously referring to me, much to my embarrassment.

            “I – I do not! But, I can’t help but think this one looks similar to the colossal titan. Which means, that the colossal titan’s probably another shifter – like Eren.”

            “Oh?” Captain Levi said, accompanied by a brow of his reaching the middle of his forehead.

He then turned his attention back to the female titan, drawing his blades.

            “Wait, Levi. An eye for an eye. Fire!” Erwin said. It doesn’t look like this female titan will be moving anytime soon. Once it was secured, Captain Levi and Squad Leader Mike went in for the kill.

            “Nothing happened?” I mumbled as both Levi and Mike zipped away the female titan, blades tattered or even gone to smithereens. Erwin and I have a clear view of the female titan’s nape; where it’s hands are positioned, obviously protecting the nape. What’s more, it seemed to be crystalized.

            “(Y/N).”

            “Yes, sir?” I answered Erwin.

            “Prepare the explosives. Blow off its hands.”

            “Yes, sir… ah, but we might also blow up what’s inside.” I might not have been a hundred percent aware about this titan shifter, but I do know how much firepower we have. That’s what I’m in charge of.

            “Then set them to amputate the wrists.” Erwin crept closer, resting a hand on my shoulder, then added, “set them all off at once at my signal.”

            “Understood!” I then zipped off towards the explosives, telling the others about Erwin’s orders. It isn’t that hard pointing these towards the wrist, and I assisted in doing so. Then….

            _HWARRRRGHHH!!_

            _HWARRRRGHHH!!_

            A shrill, most horrible sound I ever heard reverberated around us. It almost shook the ground with its intensity. As everyone did, I also looked up at the female titan where a figure stood upon its head.

            “Captain Levi?” I’m still right by the explosives, close enough to the female titan’s feet. A suffocating wave of fear envelopes me – something’s wrong.

            That’s when we heard it – the telltale sign of an incoming titan horde.

            “Ready those explosives now!” Erwin commanded, voice booming around us. We tried to work faster, however the constant rumbling of the ground proves to be quite distracting. As we try to do our jobs, a ruckus seems to be going on around us, with Erwin barking another order and some calling Captain Levi.

            “Huh?!” Three titans were making their way towards the female titan, and they’re completely ignoring us? What is going on?

            ***

            A disaster – that’s what went on. I thought I was ready for this. I saw titans already, I’ve also seen death… yet, this was crushing. The person inside the female titan escaped, killing Captain Levi’s squad in the process and taking Eren with them. That was until Captain Levi and Mikasa took him back.

            Clearly, the Battle at Trost is child’s play compared to actual expeditions. What was I thinking? Could I do this for the rest of my life? Fight monsters who are stronger and bigger than me? Watch more people die? And may be, die as well? Is this all there is to my pitiful existence?

            This brings me back to my conversation with Erwin. He gave me this personal mission, of figuring out what I want. I never really did spend much time thinking about it, what with this expedition and all the tasks that was waiting for me.

            What do I want? Despite everything, I have an answer... yet I’m afraid to say it out loud... afraid to actually want it.

            ***

            We reached Trost in the early afternoon. Our size dwindled down to half. Due to the expedition’s utter failure, we were summoned to the capital – well, at least the officers and Eren Jeager.

            _Thump …. Thump… thump…_

            My knuckles rapped repeatedly at the commander’s door. I just finished gathering the final list of names… of the deceased and the missing.

            “It’s (Y/N), sir.” I said, announcing my presence.

            “Come in.” Was the muffled reply of the man inside.

            “Here’s the finalized list of names, sir.” I stated as I handed the document over, our hands brushing. Funny, how as simple as that made me feel as if I’m floating. But Erwin doesn’t seem to be liking it – he has a frown on.

            “Oh! Erhm, Erwin. Sorry.” I always forget about him requesting me to stop saying sir. At that, though, I was rewarded with a smile.

            Erwin scanned the list I gave him, while I busied myself clearing up the tea cup that’s been sitting on his desk. I better get him a new one.

            Erwin let go of a sigh, just as he said, “this is quite a long list. I’m afraid I won’t be able to finish these.”

            “I can do it for you.” I volunteered even before I could really think about it. “Uhm, if that’s okay with you.” Erwin’s blue eyes locked on mine, and I know he can see through me. I am even confident enough to say that by now, he probably knows me better than I know myself.

            “But is that alright with you? Don’t you have any other tasks that’s keeping you busy?” He inquired.

            “No – not at all. I’m got this. Really.” I flashed him the best smile that I could muster. “Actually, I want to do this – help you, Erwin.”

            “You’ve helped me a great deal already, (Y/N). And I’m very thankful for it. The Survey Corps’ really lucky to have you.” Then, he shook his head before adding in a whisper – “I’m quite a lucky one to have you.”

            That was the push that I needed, apparently to tell him something so honest… I just bared it all for him, I guess.

            “Well, I guess I’m not just doing my job. I’m also doing something that I want… something that makes me happy. I like helping you; I like to think that I make your life a little easier.”

            “This … this is what you want?” Erwin said. He’s standing up now, towering over me. Yet, he crouched his head a little, to be able to look into my eyes.

            “Yes. I – I want … you.” I said, surprising myself. All my life I’ve never wanted for anything or anyone – until now. Spending all those time with Erwin made me see him – beyond that cold commander persona of his. He’s just a man. A lovely man who wanted to change the world for the better – a man who would dedicate his life for the sake of humanity. A man who has captured my heart.

            After what seemed like forever; of my heart pounding madly and of getting lost in those blue eyes of his, Erwin’s hands raised to my face – cupping my cheeks. He closed his eyes as his forehead rested on mine, with me following suit.

            “I want you, too.” He whispered, before I felt his lips on mine.


	4. Chapter 4

            The rest seems to be distant memory – that, being my life before meeting Erwin. He made me realize how there’s more to life than just pleasing and helping other people. I’ve spent too much time thinking about others that I forgot about myself. He gave me the courage to finally listen to my heart and make myself happy. He, being the one who makes me happy.

            But this world doesn’t seem like it wants to cooperate. The day after we got back from the expedition – the day I finally took the step and bared my feelings to Erwin – we were summoned to Stohess to surrender Eren. It was the deal the Survey Corps had with the head of the military, Darius Zackly, after all.

            However, that doesn’t mean Erwin Smith will do as he’s told. It started the day after we came back. Believe me or not, despite being just back from an expedition and experiencing tragedy, we were back on our feet and doing our chores. Well, not really the usual chores that we do. Rather, taking care of the injured, repairing wagons and gears, and other tasks concerned mainly with repair and maintenance.

            I was stationed with Jean and Armin, tinkering with busted gears and looking if we could salvage some.

            “Ahh… I’m so good at cleaning these things that I forget how horrible I am at maintaining them!” I whined. I mean, I could definitely repair a busted gear, but it takes me too long. “How are you so good at this, Armin?”

            “Oh? Practice, I guess. I used to do a lot of maintenance work with Marco back then.” Armin said, catching himself a little too late. Jean was already as stiff as stone. He is still shaken by Marco’s death – which is understandable as it hasn’t been long since it happened.

            “Ah! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to – “Armin tried to rectify his mistake, but Jean cut him off.

            “It’s alright. Still, no one was there. He just… died. No one saw what happened.”

            “Really?” I asked. I personally saw many deaths that day, a hundred perhaps, or even more. Still, this Marco thing is odd. Though, I guess it is possible to die alone.

            We were silent for a short while, before Amin spoke up, voice so small you’d think he doesn’t want to talk at all. Yet he did.

            “You know Jean, (Y/N), I saw Marco’s gear after the battle of Trost.”

            “What?” Jean asked, surprised, before continuing; “What do you mean after the battle? I was the one who found his… body. His gear wasn’t there.”

            Armin looked at the two of us intently. He seemed to be debating with himself whether to tell me and Jean about this. He decided to go for it in the end.

            “When the titans we captured was killed, remember how they inspected our gears?” Armin began, pausing to see our reactions. And we do remember. Both Jean and I nodded, so Armin continued.

            “I was with Annie and Connie then… and, well… I saw Marco’s gear. Annie presented it as hers.”

            “Annie?”

            I’d say, that was the moment everything changed – this was clearly bigger than we have thought. The three of us conferred and came up with the same conclusion; Annie killed Sawny and Bean… and she’s the Female Titan.

            I dropped everything and went to Erwin right away.

 

***

            “Are you sure?” Erwin asked. His face was a serious mask – all business.

            “As sure as I could ever be. If we’re wrong… then good. We apologize and move on. But if we’re right, we’ll know more about titans – what they are, what they want and why some humans can become titans.”

            Erwin nodded solemnly. “We must make haste. We are summoned to the center. We need to get this done by then.”

            “Yes.”

            That’s how it began – the plan to capture the Female Titan. It works out at first since Annie is in the military police – she’s right where we’re headed. As a precaution, Erwin decided to send the rest of my batch – the 104th – away (excluding Mikasa, Armin, Eren, Jean and I).

            I don’t believe we have completely convinced Eren that Annie was the Female Titan, they were kind of friends after all – in the loosest meaning of the word.          

            Anyhow, Erwin devised a plan so ambitious and grand so amazing that I can’t believe I’m part of it. Still, there’s a big risk. We are about to wage war with a titan that killed some of the most skilled Survey Corps soldiers, in a town full of civilians no less. I can smell death.

            And full of death it was.

            I’ll save you from the gory details, but what you must know is that we were right. It was Annie. People died as expected, but we were able to capture her. We were also able to keep Eren. We still have a long way to go, but this is a victory and I plan on taking this as a chance to breathe.

            But life play such cruel jokes. It turns out, Annie wasn’t the only traitor. Reiner, Bertholdt and Ymir could all transform into titans. What’s more was that Reiner and Bertholdt were the Armored and the Colossal titans. I could not believe it…. Those titans that destroyed the wall – destroyed the lives of thousands of people – were just children! And was close around.

            The two of them managed to take both Ymir and Eren, to who knows where. So, within a day of capturing the female titan, we were chasing the Armored and the Colossal titans.

***

 

            We only have until sunset to take Eren back. Erwin’s plan revolved solely on one goal: Get Eren back. That means we don’t have to do anything to Reiner and Bertholdt. I still can’t believe it, those two… Bertholdt has always been the best behaved out of us – Marco, him and Armin and the least rowdy. And Reiner? He was a model trainee – a hard worker and team player. He’s helped us so many times. It’s really difficult to wrap my head around the fact that they are the ones that brought hell upon us. They’re just kids! They –

            “(Y/N).”

            “Hmm?”  It was Erwin who pulled me from my thoughts.

            “We have one goal on this mission, and that is to take back the last hope of humanity.” He told me calmly, despite being in the titan infested hell that this is. I nodded, as I just can’t find my voice right now, also that I really don’t know what to say. In the end, I decided to listen to Erwin. He is right, I have to focus on the task at hand.

            Erwin specialized in the formation that limited contact with titans. But with this being an emergency, we have no choice but to break through crowds of titans.

            “Any detours and we’ll be too late. We’ll force our way through! All soldiers, prepare for battle!” These were his very words.

            I conveyed his command to other clusters of soldiers, and decided to stick with my training batchmates. Needless to say, Mikasa was frantic – she is closest to Eren, after all. The rest are also quite shaken – I assume because of the reveal regarding both Bert and Reiner as well.

            The moment we reached the forest of giant trees, several titans sprang forward. Many military police perished within seconds. I can’t believe they’re supposed to be the most elite of all the armed forces.

            The signature thunder of a titan transformation shook as all. We didn’t really have the time to even breathe!

            “A light?” Mikasa said, eyes straight ahead.

            “Straight ahead in the forest! I saw a light!” Armin supplemented. “It’s the light that appears when a titan transforms.”

            “Could that be Eren?” I wondered. I know Eren is a fighter, but he’s against two formidable enemies. We have to brace ourselves – this might be the Armored titan coming for us. And that is the bigger possibility.

            “Then we’re just in time. Soldiers, disperse! We believe the enemies already transformed! Locate Eren and recover him!” Erwin commanded.

            We all did as he commanded and stepped in deeper into the chaos, waving our blades.

            It all happened so fast. First, we saw Ymir’s titan form… then she swallowed Krista – no, Historia! Next thing I know, we’re chasing the titan shifters with Erwin leading us.

            I know I’ve said before that I think that this is the field for me, but I can’t help but feel afraid. We are doing our best to stay organized, but attacking titans head-on is chaotic! What’s more, the military police and garrison are almost entirely useless. Well, that is when it comes to killing titans. But as fodder? They are just what we need.

            Erwin’s voiced boomed, “All squads! Let the titans chase after you! Follow my lead!” But I didn’t. Riding alongside my batchmates, we made our way closer to the Armored titan – to Reiner. This is very personal for us. We lived and trained together for three years!

            In the skirmish, we somehow ended up aboard the Armored titan… feelings just poured out.

            “Was everything just a lie?” Connie questioned. Connie, Sasha, Armin, Jean and I are all hurt and betrayed, we still can’t believe it. Mikasa on the other hand is hell-bent on taking Eren back.

            “Someone has to stain their hands with blood!” Bertholdt declared, and the way he said it reminded me that he’s just like us. He might be the Colossal titan, but he is but a child.

            Mikasa attempted to talk Bertholdt into giving Eren back, yet again, and he still said no. We were interrupted by Hannes’ frantic screaming, yelling for us to get off.

            It was the rest of the soldiers, led by Erwin and … a horde of titans?!

            We jumped off to our horses and had no choice but to watch in either horror and awe as the bunch of titans attacked the Armored titan.

            “What’s going on?” Connie asked the question I’m pretty sure is running through everyone’s heads right now. “Is this hell?”

            “No… but it will be!”

            “Erwin!” I couldn’t hide my surprise, he was actually going towards the titans!

            “All soldiers, charge! The fate of humanity will be determined in this very moment! There is no future where humanity can inhabit these lands without Eren! We recover Eren and immediately retreat! Give your hearts!” Erwin managed to give a pep talk.

            “Mikasa!” Connie yelled, seeing Mikasa go after Erwin right away. The rest braced themselves, following behind? Me? I am shaking with fear… but I trust Erwin. I have faith in him, so I followed him forward.

            The Armored titan is frozen! Erwin’s plan seems to be working… especially now that it lifted its hand! Eren and Bertholdt are exposed!

            “This is our chance!” I yelled, and Mikasa nodded. Jean didn’t seem too keen on the idea.

            “Can’t you see all those titans?!” He asked us, bewildered out of his mind. And he isn’t wrong to be surprised, but this is a now or never moment, we can’t let it pass!

            “Advance!” Erwin commanded. Seems he also didn’t care about the horde of titans.

            Then it happened.

            “Erwin! No!”

            A titan came out of nowhere and bit Erwin, dragging him away!

            Someone else called out to him – yet Erwin still commanded us to advance?

            “No.” Like hell I’d do that! I turned around, following the cursed titan that took Erwin. I won’t let him die… no.

            “Eren’s right in front! Advance!” Erwin yelled once more, and I was much closer to him now. We locked eyes and… gods this is breaking my heart.

            “Commander Erwin!” It wasn’t just me who followed him.

            “Just a little more!” I urged my horse to run faster and I was finally close enough! I didn’t hesitate. All the fear I felt earlier, it’s gone now. All I want is to get Erwin back! And that’s all I was thinking of when I took the leap to kill that titan.


End file.
